All of Me
by CaptainBri-Mazing
Summary: Why do life-changing decisions always happen at funerals?
1. Chapter 1

Alrighty. So this little one came from midnight re-runs on Saturday night, otherwise known as "Criminal Minds night" for me and my mom. It was "The Slave of Duty" and since I had seen it enough times, I began to notice little things between Reid and JJ that I hadn't noticed before. The first time was when she had looked at him during Hotch's elougy-I blew it off, thinking meh. But then when Reid asked if Hotch would ever come back, she looked at him again. Finally, when they were on the plane and Morgan talked about their thoughts being with Hotch, she looked right at Reid again and I finally asked myself, why does she keep looking at him?

PLOT BUNNY BORN!

Perhaps I'm merely reading too much into those, but like I said, it's the first time I noticed it.

Anyway, so it veers off from the episode towards the end, but I hope you readers enjoy it nonetheless and please review.

I don't own CM and this title comes from the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence

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><p>He could feel her. Just behind and to the left of him, he felt her presence, her sorrow and her pain. He could hear her sniffling quietly and he longed to turn and take her in his arms, and dry her tears…but to do so would be to reveal his own tears, his own pain and sorrow. His tears streaked a path down his cheeks and he felt one of them drip off his chin and onto his arm, wetting the dark fabric of his jacket. He couldn't remember that last time he cried.<p>

That was a lie.

He knew.

The last time he cried was the first moment he held Henry in his arms and wished with all his heart that he was the little boy's father.

The time before that was when he was sure he was going to die at the hands of Tobias.

And the time before that was when he had his mother committed.

Having no desire to walk down that particular lane of memories, he forced himself back to the present, where Hotch was still talking and JJ was still sniffling behind him, but not outright crying.

She was so strong

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><p>He was so strong<p>

She had a hard time listening and focusing on Hotch because all she could think of was Spencer. Strong, silent Spence, who just hours before, had tried to be a pallbearer, even on his bad leg. He had let Will take his place in the end, but the fact that he tried, spoke volumes to her about the kind of man he had turned out to be in the four years she had known him.

She shifted in place and glanced around the cemetery. She wasn't a fan of them, and to be honest, if it wasn't for the fact that it was Haley, she wouldn't have gone. She hadn't been ok with places like this for the last two and a half years, when, for a moment, she was sure that the last time she would ever see Spence would be in a shallow grave in a small cemetery in Georgia.

Many times already, she had started to reach out for him, to touch him, to make sure he was really there, but stopped herself, finally folding her arms against her abdomen and tapping her fingers against her side in an effort to keep them busy.

He turned to the left slightly, shifting the weight off his knee and she caught a glimpse of his red eyes and the tears that streaked his handsome features. She longed to reach out and pull him to her, to hold him close and run her fingers through his hair; to dry his tears and whisper to him that everything would be alright, because they had each other.

However, the presence of Will prevented her from doing so, and the hand he had resting on her shoulder felt stifling and wrong.

She was sure that Spence's touch would be the opposite. She watched him silently and knew…she would welcome his touch.

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><p>"What do we do?" Emily asked, sounding just as lost as they all felt as she watched Dave and Hotch walk past them and out onto the veranda.<p>

"There's nothing we can do," Derek said matter-of-factly, tapping his chin, "we just got to wait him out." In lieu of Hotch, Derek was their leader and his word was law.

After the year Hotch had already suffered through, this could possibly be the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly remembering Gideon, he has to ask, "Do you think he'll come back?"

JJ looked over at him, wanting to know a different answer to a question she had asked herself many times. "Would you?"

The look between them lasted barely ten seconds before she broke eye contact, but already he knew the answer. If something ever happened to her…he knew he wouldn't survive. To know that she no longer walked this earth, that Henry's mother was gone, that the woman he loved so desperately wasn't around to save him whether she knew it or not…no…he wouldn't come back.

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><p>She often wondered how she would handle Spence's death.<p>

Not that she consciously thought about it, no, only in the extreme cases, like Georgia…as he lay lifeless on the dirty floor of the cabin, their last words running through her mind…or in New York when she didn't have a clue who's SUV had been hit and he was the last to arrive.

Would she be like Hotch…staying strong for Jack, who was too young to fully understand, that Mommy was never coming back.

Or would she be like her parents' after her sister's suicide and simply stop living altogether…going through the motions, merely existing in a world Shelby had left.

It was probably a mix of both, having to stay strong for Henry, hoping that he would know his brilliant, handsome godfather before that day arrived, but…simply going through the motions of living. One thing was for sure…she would quit the BAU. She would never be able to do her job, and go into wok everyday knowing Spence would never be there for her to tease and laugh with and love, silently, but desperately.

She wouldn't come back.

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><p>He'd quit the BAU. If the day ever came when he lost JJ in the line of duty, he would turn in his badge and gun. He wouldn't be able to go there every day and not see her beautiful face, bask in the glow of her smile and not feel her teasing, playful touches that sometimes spoke of something more powerful than friendship.<p>

Touches that were becoming more and more frequent.

At first, he thought she was just being helpful since he was on a cane, but it was more than that. The way she wrapped an arm around his back when he had to go up the steps, she would keep her arm there longer than necessary. Her hand would linger whenever she handed him something and her smiles were a touch more teasing and…sensual in a way.

He shook his head slightly to rid himself of those particular thoughts. Especially with Will so close by.

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><p>She couldn't believe that they were being called out on a case, tonight of all nights. They had just come from a funeral for God's sake, they couldn't just abandon Hotch now, not when he needed them whether he wanted to admit it or not.<p>

"Can you talk to Strauss, tell her to send another team." Spencer suggested softly, upset that they were having to leave.

She shook her head and lifted a hand in defeat as she read the words on her phone. "There's no other team available." She watched as he rolled his eyes and turned away. It was starting to feel like they were always the only team available, whether they liked it or not.

Still, a part of her was glad to leave the house and the depressing feel of death. She got enough of it on the job and this particular feeling of death was making her feel protective of the young genius - feel of knowing that someday, it would be one of them, one of their funerals they would be attending. As they all got up from the table and watched Derek talk to Dave and Hotch, Will snuck an arm around her waist, and like the feeling she had before at the funeral, it was stifling and unwelcomed. Still, since she couldn't have Spence…she would settle for Will.

For now.

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><p>"I understand that all of our thoughts are with Hotch, but right now I need us all to focus on this case. We have less than a day before this unsub will strike again. Let's finish this thing fast." JJ looked at Spencer, who made a face that said how he felt about Derek's statement. She couldn't speak for the others, but she knew for certain that her thoughts were ten percent on Hotch…and ninety percent on the conversation she and Spence had had in the car on their way to the hanger…<p>

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><p><em>It was pretty quiet as JJ drove to the hanger with Spencer in the<em> _passenger seat. She had volunteered to take him in her car, for selfish reasons really, but now that they were going out on a case, now more than ever, she wanted to keep an eye on him._

"_I don't what I would do." She wasn't surprised to hear him speak, his voice low and somehow always a little scratchy, like he just woke up. "About what?" She asked. "If I lost you." She looked at him. "Or any of the team, really," he fumbled to cover his embarrassment at his statement and the fact that he singled her out, but it was too late. _

_When they stopped at a red light, she looked over at him and spoke just as softly as he had. "I'd quit the BAU," he looks at her, confused._

_This was it._

_She pulls the car over and cups his cheek. "I'd quit the FBI, because I wouldn't be able to go to work, knowing you weren't there anymore, I just wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to come back, Spence."_

_He studies her in the light coming from the street lamps, and she knows she should embarrassed or guilty for essentially admitting just how _much_ he means to her, but she doesn't. She feels…relieved that he knows. _

_He finally reaches and lays his hand over the one she has on his cheeks and leans into her touch. "If something ever happens to me—"she jerks away from him, nowhere near ready to have this conversation with him, not wanting to having conversation with him, not after today. He grabs her wrists and pulls her back to him, reaching out and snagging her chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing her to face him. "Listen to me, Jennifer." He commands in a soft, but firm tone. "If something ever happens to me, I want you to be strong, do you hear me? Like you were today." _

_"It was easy to be strong today, Spencer, it was Haley, someone I barely _knew_, not someone I lo—" she cuts herself off, but he knew what was going to say. _

"_No, you are strong no matter what, Jennifer. I want you to be that strong for me when that day comes. I want to remember all the times we spent, all the memories we share, the good and the bad I want you to remember those little moments where it feels like there's no one else in the universe but us. And I want you to know, that I will always be watching out for you and Henry." He states impassionedly._

_She searches his eyes, seeing everything he wasn't saying and she knew, she _knew_ that they had been having the same thoughts, back at the house. They had both thought about how to handle the other's death. She gently shakes her head to dislodge his grip and it's her turn to hold his face._

"_No matter what happens, Spence, I want you to stand there, strong and silent. I want you to remember these moments—the ones where it's just you and me and no one else, where it's just wrong enough to feel right, where no one else would understand but us, and I want you to know that above all else, if anyone has a right to act like they lost a lover, not just a co-worker, it's you." _

_She presses forward and catches his lips in the kiss she had been dying to give him since the funeral, to impress upon him just how devastated she would be at his death. He returned the kiss just as passionately and she knew that when this case was over, she was breaking it off with Will._


	2. Chapter 2

You guys wanted it so here it is! Part two! Before we get started, there is no Henry, I forget about him and had no way of working him in, so yeah.

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><p>It was hard keeping her mind on the case after what had been said between her and Spence, but she managed.<p>

"Hey Garcia."

It helped that he seemed off his game as well, so she didn't feel like one of those women who can't focus around the object of their affection; she was a professional and refused to act like anything other.

_"Bad news buttercup."_

"Great, what is it?" She sighed.

_"No pay-off on the social networking sites, and this Erica Sliverman person does not a bread crumb-like trail. Aside from a couple of on-line purchases and some automatic debts, she hasn't used her credit card all week."_

That being said, however, she couldn't help herself when she heard Spence behind her coming down the steps. She looked over her shoulder and completely lost her train of thought when he sent her a heated look followed by a wink. Fighting to catch her breath and hoping Penelope wouldn't notice on the other line, she watched, head tilted slightly to the side for a proper look at his ass, as he walked towards the garage. Yum.

"Alright, thanks."

She hung up the phone as she exited the door leading into the garage in time to see him pull a hankerchief from his pocket, the garage door opening. "Hey, so, Garcia couldn't find anything about Ercia Sliverman's whereabouts over the past week. No stores, no restuarants, nothing."

"There may actually be another way to figure out where she's been." He answered, using the white cloth to open Erica Sliverman's car door. "Do we know where the other victims' cars are?" He asked, lowering himself into the driver seat.

"As far as I know, they're in impound."

"I'll need acess to all four of them." He said, his attention focused on the GPS system in the car.

"Four?" There were only three victims.

"We should also get Grant Franklin's car. He may have driven Erica somewhere where she met the unsub."

She nodded, turning to leave and ready to get acess to the cars, when he called her back.

"Hey, is it bad that I want to beat this unsub with my cane?" Spencer inquired casually.

"Why?"

"Because instead of working this case...you and I could be at home." He finished, as if commenting on the weather, looking at her from the driver's seat, sitting sideways, his long legs parted slightly, careful to keep too much weight off his knee.

JJ peeked back into the house, not seeing any of their co-workers and softly closed the door, making her way down the short steps and walking over to him. He watched her, his cane leaning against the side of the car and smiling shyly when she stopped in front of him, smirking down at him. "And what would we be doing, Dr. Reid?"

His shy smile turned suggestive, snaking an arm around her waist and drawing her between his legs, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. "Well, something along the lines of this," he said softly, leaning up to kiss her. She didn't resist, one hand coming up to cup his cheek and deepening the kiss. His lips left hers to move his way down her neck and she moaned lightly. "This is so unprofesional," she breathed and felt his smile against her neck.

"I like unprofessional."

Just as things were really getting good, her phone rang and she simultaneously cursed and thanked whoever was on the other line. When she heard Derek's voice wondering where they were, she snapped back to the present and backed away from Spencer. He understood and grabbed his cane, standing carefully, following her back into the house, unable to resist slapping her ass, her squeak of surprise drawing Rossi's attention as he came down the stairs from the second floor.

He arched an eyebrow at Spencer's smirk and JJ's blush.

"Real nice, Reid."

"I don't know what you're talking back," Spencer said, limping past JJ, his smile saying otherwise and Rossi smirked.

"Uh-huh."

The older agent waited until Spencer was out of the room and turned to the blonde agent. "Fooling around at a crime scene. My respect for you just shot through the roof."

"Shut up, Dave," she ordered, her cheeks still pink and walked away.

God she couldn't wait until this case was over.

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><p>After getting smirks and looks from Rossi all day, JJ was extremely happy to touch down back at Quantico. Well, one of the reasons she was extremely happy, anyway. She was dying to go home with Spence, but knew she needed to talk to Will and end things. She had do this right, otherwise she and Spence would never work out right, not with the fact that she cheated on Will hanging over their heads. Instead, she waited until everyone had exited the plane before turning to Spencer, who was watchiing her.<p>

"You ok?" He asked softly and she nodded, brushing her fingertips across his cheek, smiling when he leaned into her touch.

"Yeah, just tired, and this night is nowhere near over."

His eyes lit up and a wicked smile made its way onto his lips and she couldn't help the giggle or the blush.

Who knew Spencer really was a flirt after all?

"unfortunately, Spence, not like that. Not yet, at least." She said, her smile fadiing at the thought of how Will was going to react.

Spencer nodded in understanding, standing up and hobbling it way towards the exit, reaching out for JJ's hand. She took it and steadied him as they made their way down the stairs and to the ground. Making sure they had all their bags, they made their way towards the others.

"Hey, Pretty boy, you need a ride or is JJ taking you back?" Morgan asked, his bag already in the car. Emily had already left, anxious to check on Hotch and Jack. Rossi was gone as well, probably to work some more on his book.

Spencer looked at JJ, who nodded. "I'll call you later ok?" She murmured so Morgan couldn't hear and he nodded, hugging her tight for as long as he dare. Morgan said nothing, knowing it had been a hard few days, and everyone knew JJ and Reid were closer than most.

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><p>Spencer was up reading in bed (his leg was slightly throbbing and he refused to take any more medication) when he heard the soft knock on his door of someone who wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep. He got up as quick as he could, making his way to the door. His heart leapt in his throat when he saw who was on the other side and quickly opened the door, stepping aisde so JJ could enter.<p>

"Hey," she greeted, her voice thick with tears and emotions, her beautiful features stained with tears and he wondered if this was how she looked at Haley's funeral, her blue eyes red-rimmed and the tear tracks on her cheeks. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and set his cane aside, taking her into his arms, knowing that the only reason she would show up at his apartment past two in the morning was because she no longer had a boyfriend.

She didn't cry, just held him as tight as he held her, rubbing her cheek against his bare chest, her warm breath sending tingles up and down his spine and he hoped his bad leg wouldn't give out on him.

"Can I stay with you?" came her request, sounding like a small child who desperatly needed protection and company, chosing him to be that for her.

"You can stay for as long as you like," he whispered in her ear, his own voice deep and hoarse with sleep. He kissed her temple and felt her smile against his skin.

"Careful, Spence, I might take you up on that." She teased, leaning back enough so she could see his face.

"You can take me anytime, any place," he teased right back, his smile slow and lazy and she was sure her heart would escape from her chest. There was no way the others would believe some of the things Spence said when it was just the two of them.

He lead to his bedroom, giving her a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. She changed in the bathroom and when she went back into the room, he was already in bed, waiting for her. She settled in next to him, making sure to steer clear of his bad leg and laid her head on his chest.

This was home.

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><p>Done! For real this time.<p> 


End file.
